In the Hands of an Angry Junior

This assignment was one that I recently completed for my IB English class. We are studying about the Puritans/Early American time period. After reading Johnathon Edwards' popular sermon, "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God", we were challenged to write a similar essay. We were to choose a pet-peeve and expand on a punishment for them. While writing this essay, I was laughing so hard; I've never enjoyed writing an essay so much! This is my final result:

--------The Continuous Killjoy in the Hands of an Angry Junior------

It is easy to spot a distasteful misanthrope when you walk into a room. So full of careless depreciation of others, these detestable slugs ooze across the earth, having no consideration for the sunshine that surrounds them. “What care I of beauty?” they whimper and whine as they sludge grudgingly onward. While most decent beings would look for the good in any terrible problem, these irremovable warts scar the earth with their pessimistic views. With a hideous smirk, these abhorrent monsters don’t let anything good and beautiful get in their way of doing their “normal” deeds. Oh no, these creatures do not even give a second thought to anyone who might surround their nighttime of darkened thoughts. But this is not the worst of it all I must warn you; these foul monstrosities embrace their distasteful hostility with absolutely no reason at all.

These killjoys who find serenity in the doings of their selfish deeds will one day discover that cruelty, no matter how unintentional, they inflict on others will one day come and haunt them. If they do not obey the simple rules of courtesy, they shall soon find that the unfair world will soon find them to be unwanted vermin and push them all away. Any hopes, dreams, or slivers of light that might have existed within, will be eventually extinguished by outer forces that look at them with paralleled dislike. Break forth and learn to express friendliness; acquire the ability to graciously smile upon others. Break free of binding sarcasm and show some true and genuine emotion. Break the binds of brooding thoughts that scorches virtuous pleasantries. Learn to be your own self; learn to show your own authentic worth.